Baby Army
by Senbei x Cup Ramen
Summary: "I need an army of babies Lucy. Now." When Natsu decides that subtlety doesn't cut it. NaLu, Jerza, Gruvia, Miraxus.
1. The War

**HORY SHIET. Le Senbei be back! **I really didn't think I'd be posting or writing up anything for a while because I really made a huge mistake of saying that I would be used to my Uni schedule *Grovels on le ground***. A**nd then I got inspired and here I am, posting at 3:30am.** Huhuhu! I would like to say that my first priority in terms of updates would be 'The Warning Bells' followed by 'UFO' because UFO is just too plotty for me to type right now. I don't know, I've been typing up 18 page reports and working on an assessment every week so writing up plotty things is just a bit too much for me at this point!**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own FT! I only own the story ideas!

Note: I hope this brightens up your day!

* * *

Title: Baby Army

Summary: "I need an army of babies Lucy. Now." When Natsu decides that subtlety doesn't cut it. One shot.

* * *

"Dude. Is it just me or is Jellal making his way to _our_ table?"

"Uh gee, flame-brain, I wouldn't know but he seems to be approaching with great speed," Gray drawled out sarcastically before giving his frienemy a funny look, "_Are you sweating_?"

"Smile. Just smile and wave politely. Things go weird when Jellal comes along."

"Things go _weird_ when you try to be polite, doofus. More like, we've got four empty seats surrounding us so he probably wants in on the bromance."

"Shut it frosty, I'm serious and _ohgodhe'scomingover-"_

"Hi Gray, Natsu."

"Hey Jellal, what's up?" Gray slid a mug of beer to the blue-haired man, not really minding the situation.

Natsu on the other hand, sunk deeper into his seat, only waving awkwardly in response. He watched in trepidation as the older male made himself comfortable at their table. It was like watching a horror movie in slow motion. Jellal pulled out a chair, the dragging of its wooden back legs along the floor making a screeching noise all the while. His super sensitive hearing reminded him of the sad fact that this was not a nightmare. His fate was sealed – Natsu Dragneel was doomed to participate in what he would call the awkwardest conversation ever.

"_And there goes an empty seat_." The dragonslayer muttered forlornly.

"Is there something wrong Natsu?"

"No, no, no – he's just uh, constipated." Gray Fullbuster – Crushing dreams and hopes since year X766.

"Then Wendy can-"

"I AM NOT!" Natsu crossed his arms angrily, ignoring the looks he got from the rest of his guild-mates.

"Dude, chill. Sorry Jellal, I don't know what's with him today."

"No, no, no! It's fine," Jellal spared Natsu a glance, eyes flickering with hesitance, "Natsu, are you perchance still feeling, uh, uncomfortable over the uh…broom closet incident?"

Natsu felt his ears burn and not for the first time, he felt like dying on the spot. He hated how Jellal had gone through the trouble of giving that horrible event a name. He hated how Jellal had stuttered like a schoolgirl while saying that. And what he hated even more was Gray's girly squeal because it sounded disgusting and promised him nothing but trouble.

"Oh. My. Gosh. What happened guys?"

Ugh. See? Things go weird when Jellal comes along. Jellal was the embodiment of all things awkward. Jellal should know when to stop and obviously that wasn't going to happen because from the few years that Natsu had known the man-

"Because Natsu, Erza and I really didn't kiss that one time and it was all an _accident_!"

"…"

And for the first (but not the last) time, the table of three was engulfed by complete silence. Gray looked positively shocked, jaw hanging low and all, but managed to regain his senses quickly. The ice mage gave the flustered blue-haired man a once over before turning to his rival who looked like he was ready to hurl himself off a cliff.

"Oh. You were right. Things go weird when Jellal comes along." He only received a pointed glare from the dragonslayer.

"_You think_?"

* * *

"Okay, I guess the conversation went off with a rocky start but still, I came to ask you guys for some serious advice."

Jellal looked at them nervously before taking a tentative sip from his mug.

"Dude, I'd hate to break it to you but I can't take you seriously when you're drinking like a girl…but yes, go on."

Jellal eyed the two males before him as if making sure he was asking the right people for help and when he decided that they were in fact _reliable,_ he cleared his throat.

"So, I just had a chat with Erza."

"Oh god, we're going to be talking about _Erza_ of all things?"

"Is there something wrong with talking about her, Natsu?"

"No, but when it's you talking about her then, yes."

"Oh."

Gray elbowed his rival and lowered his voice, "Flame-brain let the guy speak – he's asking _us_ for a reason and you know why right?"

"Uh, because he doesn't have any friends?"

"That and he's desperate."

"Excuse me?"

"No, it's nothing Jellal! I was just telling Natsu here that we have to listen carefully because you're our friend and that means that your problems are our problems."

Jellal tensed for a second before bashfully turning to the side.

"Oh, uh, thank you. I didn't think you guys thought of me in that sense."

"But of course," Gray continued, sweat pouring down his face, "So, what is it about Erza that you…y'know?"

"Well, the other day, we were asked by Bisca and Alzack to look over Asuka since they were attending a shooting competition."

From the side, they heard Natsu choke on his drink.

"And did she ask you to do anything funny?"

"No? Why?"

"N-no. Just something that happened a few years ago. Uh, keep talking."

"Anyway, we spent the whole day walking around the town and eventually, we dropped Asuka back at the guild when her parents came back."

Gray stared at Jellal, waiting for him to resume his story. "And?"

"Oh. That was it."

"…"

"So, you had a field day and had a blast…what advice were you hoping for us to give you?"

"Well, Erza ended up saying that kids were nice."

"Okay?" Natsu and Gray shared a confused look, not sure where this pathetic excuse of a conversation was heading. Kids…were generally nice, right? They lifted up their mugs to take another sip of alcohol, not anticipating their conversation buddy's next words.

"…I think she wants babies."

And that was when Jellal had two mouthfuls of beer sprayed onto his face.

"SHE WHAT?!"

* * *

"Thanks guys – I was right in talking to you two about it. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest." Jellal rose from his seat and with a wave, sauntered over to some other part of the guild.

In the end, no advice had to be given to the bloke and instead, Natsu and Gray looked as if they had witnessed the apocalypse itself. What the shit did Jellal think he had achieved by scarring them for life?! More like, how could merely talking about this horrible predicament ease his nerves? There was something very wrong with him.

"Oh. My. God. We are so doomed." Gray paled considerably as he watched Jellal's figure disappear into the crowd. Jellal and Erza were the type of people to go overboard – what difference would there be between baby-making and world domination or fighting? The images that sped through his mind like a fast-forwarded roll of film made him want to cry himself to sleep. Rows and rows, and goddammit, more rows of red and blue-haired babies armed with machetes and knives and other sharp, pointy things- THINK OF MANKIND! The ice mage quickly turned to face his rival, eyes bloodshot from thinking of the catastrophe that would otherwise be death by the hands of Satan spawn. He placed a clammy hand on the dragonslayer's shoulder.

"Natsu, I know we're not exactly on the best of terms but we have to combine our forces and save ourselves! No, the WORLD!" He stammered; face stony and determined.

"But how Gray, how?!" In any other situation, he would have laughed at the broken voice of his frienemy but now was not the time.

"We can't hurt babies."

The two stilled for a moment.

"You're right Natsu, _we_ can't hurt babies but do you know what can?"

"W-what?"

"Babies."

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me – we can make our _own_ army of babies."

"Okay? So what, do we go to the adoption centre or something?" Gray only chuckled and shook his head.

"Oh flame-brain, we can't use _ordinary _babies. I meant we make our own army of babies – as in, you know, enlisting the help of our own flesh and blood_._"

"That sounds disgusting."

"But doable."

"Anyhow, it's a good thing that I've been going out with Juvia for the past 5 years or so…"

"Wait. What about me?"

"…Lucy?"

"But we're not-"

"And that's why you need to." Natsu resisted the urge to punch Gray's smart-aleck face in, instead settling on stomping angrily out of the guild to where he knew Lucy would be. He ignored Gray's cry of "This should have been done at least 5 years ago!"

* * *

Meanwhile, the guild's females who had taken the liberty of dining at the new portside café, held a conversation of their own.

"Oh Erza! I'll have to thank you again for taking care of Asuka," Bisca looked over at the woman happily, "I knew you'd do a good job but she wasn't too much trouble, was she?"

Erza offered Bisca a small smile, "No, I quite enjoyed myself that day."

"Oh? You mean with Asuka or with Jellal?" The rest of the girls giggled at Erza's tomato red face.

"W-what?! Mirajane, I-"

"Yes?"

"Okay fine, I liked it okay. I think…it would be nice if we moved to the next step of our relationship," Erza admitted, eyes focused on her strawberry cake.

The group went silent for a moment, wondering what to say next when Levy finally decided to speak up.

"And that next step would be…starting a family?"

"N-NO! I mean, I'm still only 24 and well, I was just thinking along the lines of…engagement."

"Oh! That's great Erza!"

"Now all we need to do is to get Jellal to man up!" Lucy and the rest laughed at Cana's words, oblivious to the fact that yes, Jellal was far, far ahead of them in terms of relationship progression.

"So, everyone seems to be going good on the relationship end of things 'ey?" Cana wore a sly grin on her face as she eyed each of her friends. Lucy felt a sense of dread fill her and quickly decided to take a sip of tea before anything too outrageous happened.

"_Oh Lucy!_ How are you and Natsu…progressing?"

There it was. The question that had plagued her since she had joined the guild and for some reason or the other, the frequency in which she had to face this question seemed to increase especially after Juvia and Gray had gotten together…5 years ago. Admittedly, their progress seemed to be lacking when compared to the rest of the people but it wasn't as if it didn't _exist_. It had been a somewhat silent transition from best friends to something more and even then, they hadn't exactly announced their feelings for each other. The intimacy shared between them was obvious to the guild but Lucy liked to think that they were in their own way, going at their own pace. In short, they weren't exactly official. They hugged, had small gestures that showed that they cared more about each other than anyone else, and shared moments together that were definitely more on the intimate side of things but they had never really kissed or gone any further than that. Lucy let out a sigh, feeling the burden of her friends' prying nature weighing down on her.

"We're going at our own pace," She replied brusquely, making it clear that she didn't want to stay on this topic. Sadly, her friends thought otherwise.

"Oh come on! It's been like, six and a half years already! 13 and a half if you include the time-skip!"

Lucy felt her anger rising.

"Well, I-"

"LUCYYYYYY!"

"Well speak of the devil! He's sprinting all the way over here like a crazy person." Cana nudged Lucy on the side, laughing when she received a glare from the blonde.

"Lucy," Natsu huffed, coming to a stop in front of her, "I was looking for you."

"I thought I told you that I was with the girls?"

"Well, yeah, I knew that much but this was important and I really needed to, uh, y'know…ask you something. I'm not interrupting too much, am I?"

Lucy blushed slightly at his boyish grin, glad that he hadn't heard their conversation.

"Uh…"

"No, of course you weren't - we were just talking about you." Cana beamed from the side, much to Lucy's chagrin and Natsu's confusion.

"Oh, okay then?"

"So, what did you want to ask me?" Lucy had turned her seat to the side so that Natsu stood in front of her. She felt slightly nervous with him looming over her and his silence did nothing to slow her heartbeat.

"Hmmm."

"Natsu?" The blonde squeaked when he placed his hands on her shoulder and bent down so that they were at eye-level.

"Lucy, I can't really ask this from anyone else but…"

Lucy's face flushed red, the silence of the table and curious stares of her friends making her want to melt into a puddle and hopefully, slither away to someplace far, far away. Why, oh why was he stalling so much?

"Yes?"

"I…need," The dragonslayer seemed to struggle a bit with his words, face going pink when he peered at her chocolate eyes, "I NEED AN ARMY OF BABIES AND IT'S FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND!"

And now, the whole café had gone silent. Lucy swore that at least five people had dropped their cutlery or jaws to the ground but at this point in time, she couldn't care less. She sighed.

"Natsu," She began, voice laced with false joy (not that he knew). The blonde reached for his scarf that draped itself messily across his neck and began to straighten it out a bit.

"Is that a yes?"

And then with the strength that one could only garner from going on hundreds of life endangering missions, she wrenched him forward and punched him so hard in the face that everyone within a 5 metre radius could hear the sickening crunch of his jaw.

"YOU FREAKIN' MORON! WE HAVEN'T EVEN KISSED ONCE AND YOU'RE ASKING FOR AN ARMY OF BABIES?! GO TO HELL!"

Gray who had left to see Juvia (who also happened to be at the café) could only wince as Lisanna tried to calm the livid blonde down. It occurred to him that this probably wasn't such a good idea after all, asking in public and all. He shook his head, wondering what on Earthland he was thinking for being so forward. He would ask Juvia for an army of babies in the privacy of his house thank you very much. He turned away to walk back to the guild, feeling slightly guilty for leaving behind his rival. And then he saw it. A contemplative Jellal who had obliviously watched the tragedy unfold. The ice mage narrowed his eyes. The bane of his and Natsu's lives stood by the corner of a nearby building, seemingly deep in thought. Gray nearly felt like crying when Jellal walked off in the direction of the jewellers, probably for an engagement ring. That bastard. Well, that was one way of solving the issue.

* * *

EXTRA:

Natsu groaned as he tried to eat another spoon of Mirajane's special mashed peas.

"Thish hurtsh sho muches." He complained while shoving the spoon into his mouth.

"Well, you deserved it."

"Lucyyyyyy~"

"What?!"

"Give me another one to make me feel better."

"Another what? Another punch to the face?"

"What, no way! I want a kiss!"

Snapping her book shut, Lucy turned to face her whining boyfriend. His puppy dog eyes always worked wonders and this time was no different.

"You, Natsu Dragneel, are such a pain."

He grinned victoriously as she leant over and pressed her lips against his.

"I SO CALLED THIS!" Gray yelled from the side.

* * *

**This is a bit on the crack side and I added in the extra at the last minute as well since...I thought it'd be nice to end it with that :D ! Also, I do think that Jellal is an awkward character but yes, I had my own take on him. Writing the girl's side and guy's side of the story made me feel as if I was writing different fanfictions! **

**And for the love of all rice crackers, please review! I kind of struggled with writing this a bit since it's been so long since I've written like this *Insert le rusty writing skills***

**Once again, Cup Ramen and I love you all! I hope you guys have a great day :D !**


	2. The Tiny Troopers in Training

**Good lord. The end is upon us - IT'S AN UPLOAD and from Le Senbei no less! I just kind of lost the buzz and time for writing and drawing...But then Cup Ramen updated today and I kinda got the message ahaha *SweatSweat*. AHEM, so...Baby Army is now...too long to just have one chapter as a sequel *Dying whale noises*. What have I done? I'm digging myself a grave, I just know it. Anyhow, life's been busy, especially since I'm graduating after this semester! YAY! Sorry for my inactive-ness but I will have time at the end of this year *guilty laugh*. There will be 2 more chapters after this one, I think? No promises on update times though (sorry!). I hope you guys enjoy the read! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own FT!**

**Reply to anon reviews in bottom A/N:  
**

* * *

Several years and a baby or two later, Gray and Natsu's top secret plan of establishing an army of babies had come to fruition. Well, not really, but the seedlings had been planted and harvested just 9 months later. They were fashionably dubbed the 'tiny troopers in training'.

"I welcome thee, cadet #1 of the Fullbuster faction!" Gray had proudly declared as the nurse handed him his daughter. Juvia who only looked slightly better than she felt (that is, not very good) had spared him a tired, confused stare but the ice mage passed her off with a wave of his hand and a kiss on the cheek.

"Guy stuff, sweetie. By the way, I've already set up the crib and cleaned the entire house so you don't have to worry about anything, okay?"

"But Gray-" He shushed her, pressing a finger gently against her lips.

"Ssh…Just get some rest for now."

"O-okay."

Gray smiled warmly at his wife, captivated by how this woman could make him feel so happy and _complete _at the same time. His eyes then trailed towards the tiny creature in his arms. She was pink and wrinkly and looked as if she had just tasted something extremely sour but for some reason, Gray couldn't stop staring. He vaguely wondered if this was what it meant to be a father and a husband.

His thoughts drifted for a moment as he thought of how his pink-haired idiot of a best friend was coping in the room next door. Hopefully, he wasn't as stupid as Elfman who had loudly declared how manly it was to have a foetus in one's arms after Mira and Laxus had their first child. In any case, it wouldn't be far-fetched to assume that the fire dragon-slayer was basking in the light of new-found fatherhood. Perhaps he was also regarding his partner with as much appreciation as Gray was just moments ago. The image seemed rather foreign to the man but he paid it no heed. He knew that the years had changed them slightly but they had not strayed from their goals…TO CREATE THE ULTIMATE AND BEST ARMY (of babies) KNOWN TO MANKIND. It was unfortunate that it had come to this but the fateful union between Erza and Jellal promised them nothing but despair. Gray wondered what he had done to deserve this.

Dutifully, the ice mage softly skimmed the back of his hand across his daughter's cheek before turning his gaze towards the glass pane not 2 metres away.

"I'm a man on a mission but before that and anything else, I'm your father. Yes, the path that awaits us is not a welcoming one but I'll make sure of it – that one day, you'll be able to eliminate the demonic Jerza faction…That one day, you'll be a demon slayer…Just. Like. Me."

And of course, he was oblivious to the fact that a certain fire dragon-slayer was giving a similar speech to his newborn son on the other side of the wall.

"We're up against the world son, but you don't have to worry about a thing! Papa Natsu has already got a plan and we're going to go through with it, no questions asked. The Jerza twins are no joke. To defeat a demon, you have to BECOME a demon. I'll be with you each step of the way! I'll be there with you until the very E.N.D."

"Oh! Almost forgot," Natsu poked his head out into the corridor before giving Romeo a bright grin, "Romeo, can you tell Gray that the 'goods have been delivered' and to ask him about 'training'? Thanks!"

* * *

ONE YEAR. ONE FLIPPING YEAR and all they were capable of doing was toddling around the guild hall while peeing in their diapers. This was…this was turning out to be a harder task than first anticipated. Natsu and Gray were now in a horrifying period of their lives wherein each day guaranteed their regression into stressed, soulless beings constantly wafting into and out of sanity. It had gotten better with time but then Iggy and Sylvia had conveniently decided to start their teething period. Ugh. Drooling machines. _Each and every one of them_. And that was just the beginning.

It had taken one month exactly for Natsu and Gray to conclude that children under the age of five were vile creatures for obvious reasons, the main one being the fact that they had no sense of judgement or conscience or whatever the heck made people sane. Like, who in their right mind would poke an innocent man in the eye with a finger?! Elfman laughed like the ignorant brute he was when Natsu whined about it the next day.

"Real men don't cry from baby attacks!" The takeover mage wheezed out, one arm supporting his middle from all the laughter.

"Oh yeah, it's not so funny when one second, you're laughing with your mini-me in your arms and then all of a sudden, a _finger_ comes flying into your eyeball with the force of a FUCKING FREIGHT TRAIN!"

Natsu decided to exclude the part where his son laughed even harder afterwards. The thought made him shudder and frankly, it did nothing to ease his worries about Iggy's disturbing behaviour. It was almost as if he-

"Okay, okay – Sorry for laughing Natsu. I know at the very least that being a father requires a real man!"

Natsu only grumbled in response, feeling Gray give him a supportive slap on the back.

"Hey, at least we aren't in this alone." The ice-mage said with a shrug. The two shared a knowing look, eternally grateful for the existence of female-kind.

Juvia and Lucy were their saving graces. Their motherly genes or instincts or whatever had somehow gone on full blast after the whole baby delivery thing... which made them think, what the hell happened to _fatherly instincts_? Jellal seemed to cope well when the twins were born. That blue-haired flying piece of turtle turd. Whatever that was supposed to look like.

Natsu huffed, inwardly admitting that it could have been worse.

"Yeah, I guess so-"

And then Gray made a funny noise – something in-between a gasp and a strangled scream that never really got to make its debut.

"There they are!"

"Oh! Gray-sama!"

Oh god.

Natsu and Gray remained frozen to the spot as they watched their significant others make their way towards them. Yes, Juvia and Lucy were their saviours but right now, it felt as if they were paving a dark path filled with thorny vines and cracked stonework…for what they lugged in their devoted arms were little Sylvia and little Iggy. Yes, they were their children, their very own flesh and blood, but before anything else, they were children under the age of five…and that ultimately translated into 'vile beings without a conscience'.

Gray opened up his arms awkwardly in what seemed like an attempt to give his family a hug.

"O-oh! Juvia, sweetie! What brings you…to this specific corner of the guild!?"

"Y-yeah, what's up Lucy? Looks almost as if you two are planning on going somewhere."

Lucy and Juvia both raised a brow.

"Well, as it turns out, we're going with the rest of the girls to the new place two streets down and because we've been so busy recently, we thought that it was high time for you two to spend some precious bonding time with the kids-" The two women continued to ramble on excitedly about the 'special edition sweets menu' and whatnot but Natsu and Gray had stopped listening long before they even got to that part.

"Holy Mavis, this _cannot _be happening." The words felt light on Gray's tongue but the meaning of crushed hope and never-ending despair was conveyed all the same.

"We're screwed." Natsu replied briskly, eyes glued to the children.

The dragon-slayer straightened up warily when his son turned to stare him straight in the eyes. Iggy's dab of blonde hair had sprouted into a little nest of spikes within a short period of time and his pair of onyx-coloured eyes shone with misleading innocence. The girls had cooed at how _sweet_ he looked and some guys had even teased Natsu, questioning how somebody so rough around the edges could have such a cute kid. He looked like a cherub and for some reason, everybody _else_ seemed to think that to be the case. IT WAS ALL A LIE!

And then there was Sylvia. She made Iggy cry at least twice a day and Natsu felt bad thinking this but he was somewhat glad about it since it reassured him that his son was at least scared of _something_. Ugh. Worst father of the year award definitely went to him. The weird thing was that she only had to stare at him silently for around 3 seconds before the waterworks started. And even stranger was the fact that Gray hadn't started teasing Natsu about how much of a cry-baby his son was.

"Uhn-" Oh no. Natsu grimaced when he saw the tell-tale wobbling of Iggy's lips and as if on cue, the toddler started to bawl loudly in his mother's arms.

"Aw, what's wrong baby?" Lucy gave him a kiss on the forehead in an attempt to calm him down.

"Oh no, he's crying again! Does he know that we're leaving them behind?"

Natsu watched on, wondering how nobody else noticed it and then he heard something. Gray who was eerily silent the entire time muttered something under his breath so quietly that it made Natsu think that the words weren't directed at anyone in particular.

"It's all in her eyes and he can see it too."

Natsu shot his friend a funny look. It was hard to believe how threatening a one-year old with wavy, blue strands and inky black orbs the size of the universe itself could be considered even remotely scary. She looked like a porcelain doll but even _he_ had to admit that the 'I-don't-give-a-shit' aura seeped out of Sylvia's very being like she was made from that stuff. He didn't bother questioning Gray about it and it was already too late anyway since the next thing he felt was a familiar weight in his arms.

"We won't be gone for too long – just make sure that they're in one piece by the time we come back!"

The last part was just a joke but Gray and Natsu felt the need to cross their fingers when they answered.

"Of course!"

* * *

**And there we have it for this chapter! I hope you guys liked it 'cos there's more coming your way! :D Cup Ramen and I will be very busy though since it's our last semester and we have a thesis/giant-pain-in-the-ass project to work on. We're graduating in December so we'll have time then *Cheers*. In any case, I know this may be repetitive of me but THANK YOU SO MUCH! You readers mean the world to me and CR and the fact that you guys still review a billion years after I update means a lot to me! *Huggles*.**

**So, uh...yes...Review? :3 *Shiny puppy dog eyes that will start leaking tears if I get 0 reviews* **

**Reply to anon reviews:**

**(And I apologize to the reviewers named 'guest' - I'll just number you guys LOL!)**

**Guest # 1: **I'm glad you loved it! I wonder if you're still keeping tabs on this? Ahaha.

**Guest # 2: **Yep, they're a couple and NOW THEY HAVE A KID! YAY!

**Gale:** Daww! I'm so happy to hear that it made you laugh! Thank you! :D

**Tawny:** OH MY SOUL! I am so sorry for my shitty updating skills! Because you're always on as a guest reviewer, I feel bad for my slow updates since that's our only form of communication! ; u ; And I LOVE YOU TOO! I hope this chapter gets a laugh or smile out of you as well!

**Cookie:** Gah! Well, I'll be! I'm glad it that it made your day because you've made mine! :D

**Guest # 3:** Hahaha! You sound so excited! Good on ya! :P

**Nameless: **YES! SUPER THANK! That is a wonderful compliment! Well, this is another chapter to the story! :3

**ShaliniStar: **I'll automatically assume that you liked it then hahaha XD

**Scrat:** Thank you! *Prays for this to actually happen in the manga* Haha yeah, nah *crying*.


	3. The Struggle

**HMMMM WHAT IS THIS? An upload already? *Gets hit by a million tomatoes* OKAY, OKAY, I actually had this chapter complete when I uploaded the last one and because I'm sure that ch4 won't be done for a while, I'm going to post this one up to appease the masses (for now, at least). In any case, uh, yeah - just...I'm just dying. Everything that shouldn't go wrong _is_ going wrong for my research project. Like, the machine is broken and I just ughh. My thesis is dying, wait no, it doesn't even _exist _right now *weeps for 100 long years*. Enough about me, I hope you guys enjoy the read!**

**P.S. WHy ArE yoU AlL reqUEsting FOr Jerza? And more KIDS, and 2ND GEN PAIRINGS? PLeaSe, Nuuuuu. WhHyYyyyyyy? If I decide to suck it up and please you all, this ffic may exceed 4 chapters. Let us all pray to the holy beings that I won't burn in Hell while trying to do this. **

**Disclaimer: FT is not mine!**

**Reply to guest reviews in bottom A/N:**

* * *

Natsu and Gray weren't horrible fathers and anyone claiming anything of the sort couldn't be more wrong. The rest of the guild teased them relentlessly about their questionable parenting skills but it was _almost_ always in good humour. In fact, it was amazing how much the two _doted_ on their kids. Like they were God's gift or something. Whether or not they were aware of it themselves was an entirely different matter though. Lucy and Juvia would always laugh about it with the rest of the girls, always mentioning how adorable it was and how unexpectedly good at parenting they were, but at the same time, it came without saying that Natsu and Gray were treading in unknown grounds. Their own childhoods weren't exactly reflective of what the general public viewed as 'normal' and that was what made the whole thing _so much harder_.

Like, that one time when Natsu gave Iggy a helicopter ride but nearly ended up flinging him out the window – he didn't get dinner that night. Or breakfast the next day. Or any meal cooked by Lucy for the next three days for that matter. And then he tried to play nice by playing peekaboo with the kid AND LOOK WHAT THAT GOT HIM – A swollen, bloodshot eye that stuck out like a sore thumb. That's what. Then there was Gray who decided that playing house with a _one-year-old_ was a good idea. He even made her a mini-ice chair and kitchen and- It…it didn't end too well and frankly, he didn't want to re-live the situation again. Ever. Juvia wasn't too pleased when she found out that Gray had accidently frozen their daughter's ass to a chair, well, she was wearing a nappy but- _yeah, it's complicated_. The situation was so horrible that they had to call Natsu for help. That night, Gray slept in the pantry with a violent raincloud floating above his head. That was also the day when Sylvia's 'I-don't-give-a-shit-aura' increased ten-fold. Their clumsy mistakes that resulted from stunts intended to _entertain_ the toddlers had quote: "Traumatised them significantly-" instead and that somehow led them to think that perhaps…Iggy and Sylvia…

"Say," Gray started, an unresponsive, 'don't-give-a-shit' Sylvia in his arms, "Do you think that maybe, _just maybe_…they hold a grudge against us?"

Natsu gave the ice mage a nervous look that lasted barely a second.

"What? No _way._ They're just kids and plus, even if they did, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Hmm…If you say so." Gray shrugged.

"_Relax_, this'll all be over in an hour or two anyway."

"I'm trusting you on this one."

Okay, Gray was a total idiot to even believe for a split-second that this was going to be 'fine'. Natsu, that flaming piece of shit was a liar. A LIAR. The ice-mage had to admit that wishful thinking was a dangerous thing and he swore to never do it again because it had brought him to his knees in defeat, literally. And now he was crawling all over the guild-hall like some cockroach incarnate, searching for his missing daughter. UGH. Bless Mira for cleaning the place at the end of each week – It was Friday and the floor was disgusting. The thought of Sylvia rolling around in a layer of crap, dust, microbes and other shit made him worry. Gray felt an immense amount of guilt for her disappearance, knowing that this would never have happened if he didn't leave her in the care of (an unconscious) Macao for a measly trip to the toilet.

"Sylvia honey! Where are you? Come to _papa_!" The words left his throat in a desperate, hoarse jumble.

The ice-mage knew that he probably wouldn't get a response (since Sylvia was the silent type) and sincerely hoped that she would magically make her way towards him. But he had learned through the hard way that wishful thinking was stupid, which was why he had opted to crazily waving around a thermometer in his search. It wasn't as if all one-year-olds had developed even a _smidge_ of magic but hey, a man could dream.

"SYLVIAAA. Please. If you at least give a flying shit about your parents- Wait, if you care even a little bit for your mother!"

"What in the _Hell_ are you doing ice pants?"

Gray felt a certain Iron dragon-slayer's figure loom over him and was suddenly reminded of the fact that it wasn't only him, Natsu and Jellal who had been tossed into the daddy role. Honestly, he envied the guy for having such a docile daughter – not that she was better than Sylvia or anything.

Gray grumbled as he rose to his feet, somewhat dreading the encounter since Gajeel _was_ Juvia's closest guy friend after all.

"What does it _look_ like I'm doing?!" He narrowed his eyes in annoyance when the studded man before him shrugged carelessly.

"Either you've decided to join the cockroach crib or you're dry-humping the ground? Gihee."

"You know what? I'm too stressed to even comment on that, you stapled-face bastard. I lost my kid – have you seen her around?"

"How the fuck do you even do that when all she does is stumble around like some robot?"

"Uh I dunno, maybe I needed to go to the toilet?! More like, didn't Levy go with the girls too? I don't see _your_ baby around- oh _wait_, did sweet Levy not have the confidence to trust you with her precious daughter?"

The ice mage watched in petty satisfaction as Gajeel spluttered unintelligibly for a while.

"HAH?! If your eyes weren't so droopy, maybe you'd notice that Elvis is like, right _there_."

Gray grimaced slightly at the name – Levy had slapped Gajeel into the next week when he suggested it and for a while, the poor little baby had been referred to as 'the baby'. In the end, Levy and Gajeel had decided on a much more civilised and sweet name…which Gray felt bad for not remembering since they all called her 'Elvis' afterwards anyway.

"Where?"

"Like, right over THERE-"

"Yeah, well, my droopy eyes don't spot anything 'there'." Gajeel looked as if he were about to rip Gray a new pair when he turned to where Elvis was supposed to be, only to face thin air.

"…"

"Well shit."

For the next 5 minutes or so, the two males stood dumbly in the middle of the guild, the silence between them probably the result of their distressing inner thoughts. Suddenly, the prospect of facing their wives in a mere few hours lost all of its appeal.

Gray started to pace around in circles, hands tugging crazily at his hair.

"Okay. OKAY. OkAy. This will work out. This will ALL WORK OUT! We just have to not panic. Yes? Yes."

Gajeel who looked to be too consumed by his own thoughts didn't even spare the ice mage as much as a glance.

"…It feels pretty damn stupid to be saying this now but for the moment, I don't think I'd mind joining your cockroach crib."

"Hearing you say that makes me feel as if we're beyond saving. I don't even know if we should tell the others about this."

Gajeel grunted in agreement.

"Yeah, can't risk having the missus finding out."

"Wait, there's one…"

* * *

HE THOUGHT THEY WERE BROS. HE REALLY, FOR THE LOVE OF MAVIS, THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE BROS. But he was wrong, yet again. Natsu, that bastard, looked awfully smug as he reclined in his stool to lean against the bar and _of course_, Iggy had to be in plain sight, nestled somewhat securely in his father's lap.

"_Oh, _now what's _this_ we have here?"

The pink-haired man took the extra measure of ruffling his son's nest of blond hair. Oh, what Gray and Gajeel would give to be able to do that with their toddlers right now. Ugh. Was this his sick way of rubbing it in their faces? Stupid, flaming piece of shit, getting all cocky just because he could.

Gajeel's blood-red eyes narrowed into slits at the sight.

"Listen here you flaming douche, we're asking you because we can't ask anybody else so if you don't have a damn answer then stop wasting my time."

"Geez, Can't even take a joke…"

"Well, it wouldn't be so funny if Iggy disappeared into thin air." Gray bit out sarcastically.

"Okay, okay! I was just messing with you two. I haven't seen them around- Wait, what the Hell are you waving around- Is that…is that a thermometer?"

"And if it is?"

"Gray, you don't even know if she _has_ your magic. More like, if you've been waving that thing around for the past half hour and haven't found anything then, you may as well check the toilets or sewers or something in case she slithered away into the big wide, world."

"_What? _Are you for real?"

Natsu gave a roll of his shoulders, baby still in his arms, "I dunno? Maybe?"

"Or maybe your kid evaporated her or somethin'." Gajeel held back a snort as he added in his two cents to the doomed conversation.

"…"

"OH MY GOD! SYLVIA, MY BABY! What if somebody drank her?! Wait, does it even work that way?"

"Chill, ice brain! We just have to scope out the place and then BAM, puddles and Elvis will be back in our arms in no time! And for some extra help," Natsu paused as he hoisted his son onto his shoulders and experimentally whirled around in a circle, "360, bird's-eye view of the guild!"

Gray raised a brow, momentarily deciding not to finish tearing out all of his hair.

"Uh, as helpful as that sounds, I don't think Iggy's looking too good up there?" He motioned to the infant whose face had taken on a green tint.

"Huh? What are you talking about? Iggy's fine! Aw, did you just burp, little guy-"

And then it happened. A disgusting mix of stomach acids, milk and whatever the heck Iggy had consumed in the past few hours (AKA unidentified chunky bits) came out of his tiny mouth almost as if he were a toilet flush in reverse.

"AHHHHHH! NO NO NO, NOT ON DADDY!"

"Holy shit! Vomit spray! Don't come running here flame ass!"

Gajeel pinched his nose in horror as he watched the scene before him. This was worse than training the newbies when he was in the council! And as funny as it was to watch, he didn't exactly have the luxury of giving any shits about anything else other than his sweet, precious, little Elvis. He knew he should've used that tracker on her while things were still going well, or better yet – magnets. Magnets always did the trick.

"Friggin' Hell, I'm gonna go look again. Shoulda known that it'd be a waste of time asking _you_ of all people." The iron dragonslayer briskly turned away and left to continue his search.

"Damn it! Juvia is _so_ going to kill me." Gray cursed, running a tired hand through his hair. He spared both males a look before finally deciding to run after Gajeel, leaving a vomit-covered Natsu behind.

"…Uh, guys? Help? Wait, what, and you're both gone? SERIOUSLY?!"

* * *

**YOY! Another chapter complete! *Insert tears of blood* Ah yes, I've kind of updated part of my profile too so now you can find me on Tumblr! *Insert some confetti and more tears of blood* And golly gosh guys, I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you for all the reviews, favourites and follows. I just- You guys rock. ; u ; **

**I hope you all have a wonderful day and at least got a laugh or two from this!**

**Reply to guest reviews:**

**Guest #1, 2, 3 &amp;4:** *Insert long, exasperated sigh*Okay, fess up...I've either got 4 Jerza readers or 1 crazy Jerza reader whose super passionate about this pairing and their kids. ; u ;The Jerza fambam were originally meant to have a bit of screen-time BUT BECAUSE of a certain few people *COUGH* Yes, guests 1,2,3 &amp; 4, I'm talking about you *HACK* I'm considering revising that part. Then again, I'll have to say that it'd probably be better for me to do it this way since I don't exactly want to take the lazy approach to any of my stories OTL.

**Guest #5:** Grrrrr...Updated!

**Guest #6:** Yes, I am trash who will sneak in spoilers just for the fun of it XD !


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